


all my fears just sit inside me

by wilsonsnest



Series: i've been [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alpha Bucky Barnes, Alpha Steve Rogers, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Anxiety, M/M, Mild Angst, Omega Sam Wilson, Smoking, Stress Relief, Touch-Starved, massage therapy, sex therapy (sort of)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-08 07:35:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21232145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wilsonsnest/pseuds/wilsonsnest
Summary: Sam ends up going back and manages to keep thingsstrictlyprofessional.or; soft a/b/o tantric sex therapy pt.II





	all my fears just sit inside me

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not gonna lie, I'm kind of blown away by the response of the first part. I'm being serious when I saw this is one of the more self-indulgent things I've ever written. Like, I'm not one to just lay everything I'm into out on the page lest I alienate people. But I'm really go, 'fuck it, here you go' with this one. I know in general I don't really write the kind of stuff people normally like, and I'm pretty grateful that so many people like to read it.
> 
> So, uh, I think I'll just keep going the way I'm going? And I hope ya'll enjoy it as well.

“I was told there was a little bird waiting on our doorstep.”

Sam nearly fumbled the cigarette between his fingers. He turned, startled to see James standing outside of the entrance to _Halcyon_, the door just closing behind him. He looked just as nice as Sam remembered, though today his brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail. Sam tried to ignore the way his muscles filled out the sleeves of the black polo he was wearing, turning away before he was caught staring.

The past week had been torture. He’d nearly had a break down when he’d gotten home that night, and spent the rest of the week fretting about the next appointment. Several times during his week, he’d started to call and cancel, but was unable to go through with it. In the back of his mind, he yearned for the gentle touches he had received, and even with shame sitting heavily on his chest he desperately wanted more.

“I got here too early.” Sam muttered before taking a drag of his cigarette, trying to hide his grimace.

“You could have come inside.” James came to stand at Sam’s side, too close to be professional but not quite touching. “It’s kind of cold out here.”

Sam glanced over out of the corner of his eye. If the Alpha was cold in his short-sleeved shirt, he certainly was hiding it well.

James raised his hand, making a ‘give me’ motion with his fingers toward the cigarette. Sam scowled, half-tempted to ignore it. Despite himself, he handed the cigarette over, trying to ignore the relief that settled in his stomach when James took it. To his surprise, James didn’t put it out, he took a long drag himself, breathing out a sigh that sounded much throatier than necessary.

“These things are bad for you.” James said. “Wouldn’t have pegged you as a smoker.”

“I’m not, really.” Sam admitted, distracted by the way Bucky’s fingers rolled the cigarette idly. He found himself watching as the Alpha took another puff, staring at the way his pink lips pursed around end. Swallowing he looked down quickly, trying to think of anything to distract himself. “I had a stressful week.”

“Good thing you're here.” James replied wryly. He then dropped the cigarette butt and deftly crushed it with the toe of his black boot. “Ready to head inside?”

“Not really.” Sam admitted. He looked up and was surprised to see James’ expression was softly sympathetic. It was weird how well the Alpha could read him, even after they had only met so briefly. Years of schooling himself to remain stoic under pressure, and this Alpha saw through him like he was a pane of glass.

James gently put a hand on Sam’s arm and led him to the door, opening it for the Omega to go in first. Sam saw the same red-headed woman from the week before sitting in one of the chairs, a magazine in her hand. She glanced up when they entered, offering a small smile before returning her attention to the reading material.

“I’m going to get Sam settled and I’ll be right back, Nat.” James called to the woman as he guided Sam back to the door that led further into the massage parlor.

Sam kept shooting James furtive glances as the Alpha led him down the dimly lit hallway. He was still early for his appointment and would have been fine out in the waiting room. Quite belatedly, He realized that James was taking him to the spa room.

“I didn’t bring anything to swim in.” Sam said hurriedly as James opened the door to the warm, moist-aired room. There was a hint of peppermint in the air, pleasant to the senses, and a little sleep-inducing when mixed with the warmth of the room.

“Bathing suits aren’t required.” James said, sounding almost amused that Sam would even be worried about it.

“Okay, but I would _like_ to have one.” Sam retorted, stepping away from James and crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m not really in the mood for swimming to be honest.”

“It’s not really built to do laps.” James scoffed, then held up a hand. “Wait here.”

Sam groaned as James turned and left him standing in the tiled room. In the week past, he had misremembered just how easily James had pushed him last week. The Alpha didn’t raise his voice, or even sound particularly annoyed. He was just so damn self-assured that Sam wanted to listen to him. To distract himself, Sam pulled off his coat, folding it over his arm as he waited.

Only a few minutes later James returned brandishing a robe, a towel and to Sam’s surprise a pair of black swim trunks. They were shorter than what Sam would personally choose to wear. James looked rather pleased with himself, the slight smirk on his lips just daring Sam to try and come up with another excuse.

“_Fine._” Sam snapped, glowering at James, though judging by the twitching of the Alpha’s lips his petulance was having the opposite intended effect.

“Steve will come when he’s ready for you.” James said. “Theres a button on the wall if you need me for anything. Enjoy, Sam.”

With that James left Sam alone in the spa room, closing the door gently behind. Sam stood for a moment, feeling woefully out of place. It was a gorgeous room, with light blue tiles on the floor and sea green decorative glass tiles on the wall. He made his way over to the hooks on the wall and slipped out of his shoes. He hesitated for a moment, glancing at the door before undressing and hanging his clothes up. He shivered as he changed into the swim trunks, form-fitting around his upper thighs and leaving little to the imagination.

Feeling exposed, he hurried carefully to the jacuzzi, testing the water with his toes before stepping down the steps into the steaming water. It was _hot_, but Sam found that he quite liked it. He was never really a bath person, though he had a generous tub at home. He was usually too tired by time he got to his apartment to even entertain the idea of taking a bath.

As he sank down onto the seating area of the jacuzzi he sighed, ducking so that his shoulders were under the water. There was a faint sound of water bubbling, and soft music being piped into the room and Sam felt himself begin to drift. Closing his eyes, he considered that this actually wasn’t too bad. It wasn’t the same as being touched, but the warm water surrounded his body like a soothing blanket, cradling his body like he weighed nothing.

He had no idea how long he drifted, not falling asleep, but letting his head rest against the rounded edge of the jacuzzi with his eyes shut. It was telling just how far he let himself go that he didn’t even notice the door opening until the quiet padding of feet against the tiles roused him.

He blinked his eyes open slowly, just in time to see Steve approaching. His brain still not fully awake, he licked his lips upon seeing the green shirt the Alpha was wearing today clinging tightly to his impressive body. He looked shiny, and his hair was floppy and damp like he had just gotten out of a shower. _He’s fucking gorgeous._ Sam’s mind provided elegantly.

“I checked on you earlier and you were so relaxed I didn’t want to bother you.” Steve’s voice was almost a hush, like he didn’t want to startle Sam.

The Alpha crouched down by the edge of the jacuzzi, arms on his thighs as he looked down at Sam. He seemed to be searching for something in the Omega’s face before continuing. “How are you feeling about today?”

“Honestly? Terrified.” Sam said, feeling unwilling to try and put up a facade in the moment. Not that he thought he would be able to hide the truth from Steve if he even wanted to.

“That’s normal.” Steve’s eyes lazily trailed down Sam’s body in a way that didn’t some completely professional. “You think you're ready to get started?”

Sam frowned and tucked his chin to his chest wishing that staying and soaking for a while longer was still an option. But he could already feel his fingers begin to prune, and he knew the longer he stayed he was just putting off the inevitable. With a sigh, he got up, making his way out of the jacuzzi. He could feel Steve’s eyes on him as he walked across the room to where he’d left his things. He was slightly startled to see that his clothes were gone, only the robe and towel were left hanging. 

“What happened to my things?” He turned, narrowing his eyes at Steve accusingly.

The Alpha stood from where he was crouching and made his way over to Sam slowly. His smile was easy as he took the robe from its hook and held it open for Sam. “I took them to the other room while you were resting. They were getting wet from the steam and I don’t want you to go home in damp clothes.”

Sam watched him apprehensively for a beat, trying to find any ounce of dishonesty in his statement. But just like last time, Steve’s face was almost infuriatingly sincere. While James looked like he was always had a secret tucked away, Steve was almost unnervingly open. He let the blonde Alpha help him into the robe, the soft material felt lovely on his skin. He swallowed thickly, averting his gaze as Steve tied the belt of the robe around his waist, pulling it into a neat, but secure knot. 

Steve gave him a reassuring smile, before placing a hand on his elbow and leading him out of the spa room. They went back down the hall and stopped at one of the doors on the on the left, a different room than the last time he had been there. He remembered Steve saying that he would have a _personalized_ plan for Sam after ‘assessing’ him last week. Trepidation pooled in the Omega’s belly as Steve opened the door.

The room he stepped into was warm, much warmer than the hallway though not quite the strong heat of the spa. The the room was painted a soothing terra-cotta red, with dark hardwood stained floors. In the center of the room was a dark red futon mattress, surrounded by orange and red pillows and a single blue accented pillow. It looked cozy, if a little ceremonious.

Sam was beginning to miss the almost clinical massage table from before.

He nearly jumped when Steve took one of his hands, leading him to the futon. It felt like alarm bells were going off in his head, every instinct screaming at him to leave and run as far away as he could get. He knew what this type of place was all about, what the end goal of this ‘therapy’ was. Steve could wax poetic about mind and body and healing, but he was just like everyone else. Alphas were all the same. _All you Omegas need is a good—_

He blinked as Steve let his hand go and stepped onto the futon. The Alpha gracefully sat down, folding his legs and resting his hands on his knees. He watched Sam for a moment, expectant before gesturing to the area right in front of him. “Have a seat, Sam.”

Feeling off balance Sam followed suit, sitting almost clumsily, trying to tuck the robe so that it covered as much of himself as possible. He tucked his hands in the space between his legs, looking at Steve in confusion. The Alpha seemed so at ease, either unaware or unbothered Sam’s rising concern.

“I can sense the anxiety coming off of you.” Steve explained quietly, his face set and calm. “Why don’t we start with breathing first? And then we’ll talk about it.”

_Talk about it? _Sam’s brow furrowed, but he watched as Steve closed his eyes. After a moment, he did the same, trying to quiet his racing thoughts. Soon enough, Steve led them through a deep breathing exercise. The Alpha took his time, seemingly in no hurry and as far as Sam knew there was no clock in the room. It took him by surprise, but he found that the deep breaths helped ease the tension in his shoulders and unclench his jaw. He hadn’t realized just tightly he had wound himself up.

“That has to be feel better.” Steve said once they had finished. When Sam finally blinked his eyes opened, the Alpha raised his hands toward Sam, palms open. “Place your hands on mine.”

Hesitantly, Sam rested his palms on Steve’s. The Alpha’s hands were large, soft and warm. They didn’t grab or yank, but simply closed around Sam’s, tight and secure. He felt safe, like the Alpha was steadying him.

“I know this may be frightening. But anything that happens here is for _you._ To help you.” Steve said, his eyes locked on Sam’s. “I need you to trust me. Do you trust me, Sam?”

A shiver ran down Sam’s spine, and he could feel his palms starting to sweat. He could feel himself starting to pull away, but Steve’s hands were firm around his. Just like before, the Alpha had no intention of letting him run.

“I don’t know.” Sam confessed, unable to look away. “I can try.”

A brilliant smile crossed Steve’s face. “That’s all I ask.”

Steve uncrossed his legs, spreading them wide before tugging Sam close to fit between his thighs. He gasped at the sudden close proximity, the brilliant blue of Steve’s eyes almost mesmerizing. For a moment he could have sworn the Alpha was going to kiss him. But then Steve placed a hand on Sam’s side and gently urged him to turn around until his back was pressed against Steve’s chest. Even through the robe and Steve’s shirt, he could feel the heat of the Alpha’s body and he let out another choked sound.

“What are you doing?” Sam could practically feel his heart beating out of his chest. Steve’s strong arms wrapped around his waist, holding him tightly against the Alpha’s chest. He could feel Steve’s breath on the back of his neck, his scent was strong permeating Sam’s senses. Sam found himself torn between wanting to get as far away as possible and drown himself in those comforting pheromones.

“Holding you, doll.” Steve murmured by his ear, breath tickling the sensitive scent gland on his neck. “You’re trembling. How long has it been since someone held you?”

Sam looked down at his hands, clenched on his thighs and saw they were indeed shaking. He felt like every hair on his body was standing on end, it almost _hurt_. But he couldn’t pull away. He didn’t _want_ to pull away.

He closed his eyes, taking in a shuddering breath. “I don’t know. I can’t remember.”

“You spend your heats alone.” It was a confirmation, rather than a question.

Sam could feel the heat of the Alpha’s warmth seeping through the robe. The last time he’d had this experience, maybe college? Back when he was still young and not quite sure of what his future held. Ambitious, but still open to affection. Before he realized that there was Alphas had very little room for compromise and his lofty desires drove potential partners away.

The time spent with an Alpha, especially during a heat was a rare gift. To be one, to mingle in each-others essence until you were unable to tell where one person began and another ended. Wanting and being _wanted._ Affection. Purpose.

“Sweet thing.” Steve said quietly, awe coloring his voice. He slipped one arm from around Sam’s waist and reached up to gently rub his thumb over Sam’s scent gland. “You smell like early morning dew.”

Sam groaned, leaning into the touch against the sensitive gland. He’d hesitantly rubbed the vanilla cream on his scent gland each night, and had found it helped release some of his anxiety and the scent helped him sleep. It still felt weird, touching himself in that way. He’d never realized it didn’t _have_ to accompany a mating, that it could just be comforting and grounding.

“You’ve been taking care of yourself.” Steve sounded like he approved. “The swelling has gone down. Good job, doll.”

“I slept better this week.” Sam admitted quietly, his head dropping back to rest on Steve’s shoulder. “It helped, I felt…“

“Omegas aren’t meant to be alone for long periods of time.” Steve stated matter-of-factly. He began kneading muscle between Sam’s neck and shoulder. “How often do you reach out to your family?”

“They live in —“ Sam grunted as Steve hit a particularly sore spot. “_New York._ I try and get up there when I can.”

“Hmm.” Steve hummed, though Sam wasn’t able to tell what his personal assessment of that confession was. He let go of Sam’s waist entirely, letting Sam’s body weight rest against his broad chest. “I’m just going to slip this down a little.” Steve warned before easing the robe down past Sam’s shoulders.

Sam shivered, instinctually pulling away from the warmth behind him. Steve’s hands on his shoulders kept him from going away completely, but didn’t try and pull him back against the Alpha’s chest. He felt the panic starting to build in his stomach again as Steve’s hands rested on his bare shoulders. 

It was warm in the room, but he couldn’t stop shaking.

“I know this is a lot, doll.” Steve said soothingly. “Bear with me, please.”

Sam nodded and clasped his hands together in front of himself, squeezing to try and keep himself in check. Steve began massaging his shoulders, gently at first, just feeling out the knots. Occasionally he heard the Alpha hum or tsk as he moved from Sam’s shoulders to his the back of his neck. It was a _a lot. _Steve’s hands were warm, and sure - moving over Sam’s skin with an easy familiarity that shouldn’t have made sense.

“I’m going to work out some of these kinks.” Steve said. “Let me know if anything hurts.”

With that Steve began to really press into Sam’s skin. Finding the spots with the most tension and smoothing them out with his thumbs. He was finding soreness in muscles that Sam wasn’t even aware of and it took all his self-control not to moan as the knots loosened under Steve’s expert hands. _God_, it was an almost exquisite pain. An almost pleasurable burn followed by exhaustive relief. He had no idea that he could feel this way about anything _other_ than sex.

Before long, Sam was a puddle, barely keeping from melting back into Steve’s hold. He felt the Alpha’s touch soften, massaging the sore but relaxed muscles as Sam felt an odd sense of euphoria wash over him.

It was almost better than the morning he’d woken up to the news that Riley’s 2nd novel was the #1 Bestseller in America. Much, _much_ better than being pawed at by drunk senior editors during conferences. He felt cared for, he _felt—- _he _felt—_

“There you are, doll, there you are.” Steve praised. He pressed two fingers to the scent gland on Sam’s neck, massaging the sensitive area. He wrapped his other arms around Sam’s chest and pulled him back flush against himself. The warmth radiating through his shirt a balm to Sam’s sore loosened muscles. “I’ve got you.”

Sam whimpered, the pressure against his scent gland almost too much. He could feel tears gathering at the corners of his eyes, but he didn’t pull away. It felt good, it felt _right._ Every nerve ending burned with the heat of the warm sun. Here was peace, and acceptance and he could _Feel._

The last thing he heard was Steve soothingly whispering his name, sending him off to a gentle, welcome unconscious.

x x x x 

Sam woke slowly, his mind still hazy as he became aware of where he was. He was on his side, a thin blanket covering his still robe-clad body. A pillow rested beneath his head, and he found himself feeling content to stay where he was. He vaguely became aware of gentle fingers stroking down his spine, the lightest touch, but comforting and repetitive. If anything it made want to fall back asleep, as it soothed his exhausted nerves. 

He rolled over slowly onto his back, rubbing at his eyes as he blinked into the warm light of the room. He saw Steve seated at his side, cross-legged with his hands now relaxed in his lap. The Alpha looked both pleased and a little wonderstruck. He quirked a small, intimate smile at Sam, leaning forward a little.

“How do you feel, Sam?”

Sam blinked a little, trying to clear his head. Words felt a little distant at the moment and it took him some time before he could form a reply. Eventually though he licked his lips and replied. “I’m… I’m good.” He couldn’t keep the surprise out of his voice. “What happened?”

“I may have pushed you a little farther than I meant to today.” Steve admitted. A light pink dusting appeared on his cheeks, and if Sam didn’t know any better he’d say he was embarrassed. “You were just responding so well, I—“ He paused, contemplating. “You were wonderful.”

Sam tilted his head, staring up at Steve. This was the first time he thought he saw something guarded in the Alpha’s demeanor. It seemed almost silly that Steve would try and hide something after had just happened. 

But then again, that watching Omegas come undone was just part of the job for Steve.

The thought was slightly sobering, but Sam was feeling too loosened up to care. He knew he’d probably freak out about it later, but at the moment? He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so at ease.

“Was I out long?” He asked, averting his gaze a little so that neither of them would feel awkward. 

“No, only about 20 minutes.” Steve replied. “Sam, I—“

Steve was cut off by the sound of the door opening and they both looked up to see James peeking his head in the door. The dark-haired Alpha brightened instantly seeing that Sam was awake and leaned a little against the doorframe.

“Everything alright?” He asked knowingly.

“He just woke up.” Steve answered. Something passed between the two Alphas and Bucky nodded once before disappearing again.

Sam slowly sat up, still not quite able to look at Steve. Luckily, Bucky returned quickly with Sam’s clothes and shoes. Then both Alphas excused themselves to let Sam get changed. 

As he got dressed, Sam was surprised to find that any sort of anxiety that he would usually feel was lost in the background of the soothing energy that seemed to permeate his being. He felt tired, and he was pretty sure that as soon as he got home and fell into bed he was going to be out like a light. Maybe tomorrow he would wake up and panic, but tonight he felt like he was floating on cloud nine.

Once his coat was on he made his way to the door, sparing a glance back at the warm room and soaking in the peaceful energy one more time before exiting. He walked down the hall, hands shoved comfortably in his pockets and playing idly with his car keys. He entered the waiting room to see James behind the front desk with Steve leaning on the counter with his elbows. Both Alphas looked up when he entered. Bucky seemed smugly pleased, while there was a softness in Steve’s eyes that made Sam want to melt.

“I’ve got you scheduled for the same time next week.” James said, plucking a pre-filled appointment card from the table. He passed it over to the Omega before sweeping out from behind the desk and putting a hand on Sam’s shoulder. A wave of comfort pulsated through him and Sam barely stifled a pleased sound.

“Right. That sounds good.” He murmured quietly. He glanced over at Steve, feeling oddly shy. “Thank you.”

Steve nodded, his smile was small but so very tender. “I’ll see you next week, Sam.”

James led him to the door, keeping a hand on Sam the entire time. They exited out onto the sidewalk and James stopped in his tracks, turning Sam to face him slightly.

“If you need anything. You call us.” The Alpha said seriously. “You might crash tomorrow, or maybe even in a few days. Don’t feel like you have to suffer alone.”

Sam leaned away, slightly taken aback, but also touched. Right now, he was in such a contented mood he couldn’t imagine coming down from it. But logically he understood was James was trying to say. Without his own Alpha around to mitigate the affects, he might flounder. 

“I will. Thank you.”

“Have a goodnight, Sam.” James said, before patting the Omega’s shoulder and releasing him to walk to his car.

Sam took out his keys, enjoying the cool night air when he suddenly heard James call out his name. He paused in front his car, staring back at the Alpha from his parking space. In the bright lights of the parking lot he could see the Alpha holding up something square in his hand.

“Next time, no stalling!” James called, waving the object in his hand meaningfully.

Sam furrowed his brow, racking his brain for what the Alpha meant. Suddenly he reached into his pocket and fished around, his half-empty pack of cigarettes was gone. When he looked up, James had already headed back inside and Sam couldn’t find it in himself to be bothered. 

It sort of felt nice -to have someone looking out for him.

**Author's Note:**

> Buck getting that indirect kiss even while Steve's the one who gets his hands all over Sam is literally why I don't expect anyone to put up with my nonsense. But yeah, see what I mean by self-indulgent? I'm so into the slowburn its disgusting.
> 
> If you enjoyed it, please let me know.


End file.
